Some days I want to hit my husband upside the head. Other times I think he’s the greatest man on Earth.
Love is a fickle thing.
Last week, I was looking at our wedding photos and was reminded of a story I read a few years ago that offered a beautiful relationship advice. It’s astonishingly cheesy, but stick with me until the end please!
Love is a verb
A man goes to see a marriage counselor:
“I don’t feel any love for my wife anymore.” he confessed to the therapist.
The therapist looked at him and asked, “When was the last time you acted in love for her?”
“It doesn’t really matter because I don’t feel anything for her anymore.”
“You didn’t answer the question, when was the last time you acted in love for her?”
“And you’re not hearing me. I don’t feel any love for her anymore!” the man answered in frustration.
“Perhaps you misunderstand love. You think of it as a feeling, but it’s really a verb. You think that if you feel something for her then you’ll do something for her but it’s really the other way around. Act in love for her in a manner that’s totally selfless and without presumption of receiving something in return and you’ll feel love again.”
The man grumbled as he left the session, but he had promised to give it a try.
A week later the man returned for his appointment.
“It worked!” he pronounced, “And I’m in love with her again.”
The counselor nodded and smiled as the man left to continue his journey with his wife.
On this day of love, remember that romantic feelings can and do wane.
Love is a verb. Act in love and watch your emotions follow.
While the story is simplistic, I do appreciate the lesson. Love is not a passive emotion, a state you happen to “fall” into, or something you randomly find and easily lose. Love is a verb. It is an active decision, a conscious action. So while the initial butterflies and the fireworks are exciting, it’s the ongoing kindness, generosity, patience and commitment you show each other that will keep your hearts beating and the flame burning.
Taking the lesson to heart, I’ve been repeating to myself “Love is a verb” and staring at the picture below whenever I’m feeling irritated with Pete. I look slightly crazy but to my surprise, it usually does help thaw my annoyed heart and reminds me why I love and married Pete.
It also saves him from sleeping on the couch.
Much love and hugs,